My Beef with 50 Shades of Grey

So first things first.  I tend to read any book that is recommended to me or being overly hyped up so I can see what it's all about, especially if someone lends me the book.  I had heard a million things about this book, mostly how intensely porno-esque it is and of course this sparked my curiosity.  That and well, when EVERYONE seems to be reading something, I need to check it out.

Now it shouldn't surprise anyone that I have beef.  I'm a total book snob.  I dislike almost all books that people make a big fuss about (except in the cases of the Harry Potter series, which was extraordinary by the fifth book; and The Help, which I could not put down).  But Twilight's fourth book, Breaking Dawn I think, is the only book I have ever quit reading in my adult life.  Literally called a friend with 200 pages left in the entire series and said "What the hell happens in the end of this horrific book because I seriously cannot read another page of this disaster?"   I thought Hunger Games was perfectly fine, but no better than just about all other books I've read, which all fall somewhere in the category of "the middle".  Five People You Meet in Heaven was cheesy.  The Notebook was the sappiest book I've ever forced myself to finish.  The DaVinci Code was an excellent page turner, but not life-changing and that was high school so it doesn't count.  I rarely finish a full series because I get bored.  You get the picture.

Books I enjoy are always those where I am either challenged to a new system of thought, or where I learn something, often about another culture or time period.  I read a lot of both nonfiction and fiction.  I love classic books because of their universal themes.  I like books for many different reasons.  I could go on about it forever, but I won't.  I will get back to Grey.  OK, I went into it expecting most of what I am getting.  So I will give it that.  And the sex scenes are not overrated.  Well done, E.L. James.

I mean, it has its moments

But, why in May of 2011 is the main character of a book, an intelligent college graduate, so computer illiterate?  She calls her borrowed Macbook "the machine" as if it's some newfangled creation.  She barely knows how to respond to an e-mail and seems surprised when she gets one.  She's not from the Sudan.  She's from Portland.

Next thing.  What is the real likelihood that an attractive graduating college senior, with a lot of friends, a really popular roommate, men who have crushes on her, etc. would not have ever been close to drunk or made out?  She refers to only having kissed maybe one or two guys ever.  She's not a leper.  Come on. And she doesn't have any moral qualms with drinking or hooking up ... she drinks the rest of the book upon meeting Christian.  It's just weird.

Also, E.L. James feels the need to re-describe Christian every chapter.  I know.  He has nice copper hair and you like the way his pants fall on his hips.  He's pretty.  We get it.  Really.   Last thing I want to point out is how annoying I find the excessive adjective/adverb use.  Case in point "... stumbling once but fortunately not sprawling onto the immaculate sandstone floor.  I race for the wide glass doors, and suddenly I'm free in the bracing, cleansing, damp air of Seattle.  Raising my face, I welcome the cool, refreshing rain.  I close my eyes and take a deep, purifying breath, trying to recover what's left..." (James, 17).  Throughout the three sentences in that selection, 13 adjectives or adverbs are used (not counting the usage of prepositional phrases as descriptors, although they are).  A very wise professor once gave me some advice.  Use adverbs and adjectives only where completely necessary to add emphasis or description.  Solid writing is based on the usage of strong verbs and specific nouns.

I'm not trying to suggest that I am some phenomenal writer or that I could have done it better.  I've been struggling to write my first novel for six years and it's way too long already.  I give James a lot of credit for the imagination that went into many of the scenes and find the overall concept to be interesting.  And hey, I'd take however many millions she has now and write just about anything anyone wanted. But I'm halfway through the first book and am definitely not having trouble putting it down.

To be fair, my mom warned me that I'd be critical of the writing.

A Very Pinteresty Sort of Night

While clearly very busy and focused at work this afternoon, I spent some quality time looking up  recipes on Pinterest and settled on some that would have had potential to be healthy except that they were fried.  I decided it was worth a shot and how bad is frying something for you really?  :P

So I have never actually fried anything in my life save for this one time in college when I attempted to make Indian food with my friend Megan, resulting in scalding paneer cheese literally flying across the room while I just screamed and ducked like a fool.  So needless to say, my frying experiences have not rendered me a seasoned chef.  My house smelled for a week.  My roommates loved me.  But alas, this fried meal was a 50% success.

Very pretty original photo

I made "Crispy Honey Ginger Chicken" with Cauliflower "tater tots".   Here is a comparison of the original photo of the chicken and my own:

Not quite as pretty but still delicious

 It's not too bad considering I don't have a fancy camera or lighting or anything.  Not as goldeny but still very crispy and delicious with minimal clean up.  Here is the recipe, copy and pasted from Rock Recipes:

4  large boneless chicken breasts
 

Place the chicken breasts between 2 sheets of plastic wrap and using a meat mallet, pound the meat to an even 1/2 inch thickness. Alternatively, you can slice the breasts by placing them flat on a cutting board and using a very sharp knife to slice them into halves horizontally.

Sift together:
  2 cup flour
4 tsp salt
4 tsp black pepper
3 tbsp ground ginger
2 tbsp ground nutmeg
2 tsp ground thyme
2 tsp ground sage
2 tbsp paprika
1 tsp cayenne pepper

Make an egg wash by whisking together:

4 eggs
8 tbsp water

Season the chicken breasts with salt and pepper, then dip the meat in the flour and spice mixture. Dip the breast into the eggwash and then a final time into the flour and spice mix, pressing the mix into the meat to get good contact.

Heat a skillet on the stove with about a half inch of canola oil covering the bottom. You will want to carefully regulate the temperature here so that the chicken does not brown too quickly. The thinness of the breast meat practically guarantees that it will be fully cooked by the time the outside is browned. I find just below medium heat works well. I use a burner setting of about 4 1/2 out of 10 on the dial and fry them gently for about 4 or 5 minutes per side until golden brown and crispy.

Drain on a wire rack for a couple of minutes before dipping the cooked breasts into the Honey Garlic Sauce. Serve with noodles or rice.

Honey Garlic Sauce

In a medium saucepan add

2 tbsp olive oil
3 – 4 cloves minced garlic

Cook over medium heat to soften the garlic but do not let it brown. Add:

1 cup honey
¼ cup soya sauce (low sodium soya sauce is best)
1 tsp ground black pepper

Simmer together for 5-10 minutes, remove from heat and allow to cool for a few minutes. Watch this carefully as it simmers because it can foam up over the pot very easily.

So then I made these Cauliflower Tater Tots.  I have been a huge fan of cauliflower mashed potatoes whenever I'm trying to eat healthy so these seemed worth a try.  Truthfully, they could have been really good, but I don't think I did them right.  If you want to try to make them, go to The Daily Meal.

Here is an original vs. mine picture of this so you can see my epic fail in action.  Seriously not worth the disaster it created in my kitchen nor the time involved: 

Beautiful Original Version

Embarrassing. 

  

OK so even though it took me an eternity to make these stupid cauliflower bites that just ended up tasting like friedness (you know what I mean... all oily), and then it took me another eternity to clean the mess ( I still think things are coated in oil), I had to persevere with my Pinterest meal evening and make the banana soft serve I was already freezing bananas for.  This, I must say was a huge success and sooo easy!  Only problem?  If you're allergic to bananas, you probably shouldn't eat 3 of them for dessert.  My freakin throat is the size of a baseball bat right now and my lips feel like they are breaking out in hives.  

Original image

Mine!  Victory!

All you have to do to make this delicious dessert is slice up some ripe bananas and freeze them.  Once they are frozen, you stick em in a blender, scraping down the sides until it's all mashy and wonderful.  It only took about 5 minutes!  Would be delicious with chocolate.    Taken from Come Together Kids.

Nothing interesting happened in my life today other than this Pinterestness.  I'm OK with it.  

Tales of Irrational Rage

Having some variation on anger issues is nothing new for me.  By my middle school years, my family referred to me often as a volcano for the way I'd explode, usually on an inanimate object.  Hair wasn't smooth in my pony tail?  Flying brush!  Computer wasn't spacing the way I needed it to?  Beat it!  Sister looked at me the wrong way?

You get the picture.  Anyway, it's really not just anger I guess.  I'm emotional in general.  When I feel something, I feel it fully and intensely.  And I'm bad at hiding it for anyone that knows me well.  I cry during commercials, I don't back down from confrontation (though I never start it), and I literally skip and jump when I'm happy.  But back to the totally irrational anger.  

I have no patience for what I deem incompetence or for anything that sets my life back in some minor capacity.  If someone is taking too long or being terrible at what they do, or not letting me do something I feel is completely logical, I fill with rage.  My blood starts to boil and I get all freaked out internally. Today, my sister called me out on it.  The lady at Costco refused to accept my mom's card from me, and though legally she really isn't supposed to, I got all mad at her for doing her job.  I realize I'm in the wrong here.  Hence why it's irrational anger.  Just the anger at me having to pay for the company Costco run until I can get reimbursed?  Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.  But in the moment, all I could think about was how hard would it really have been to just let me use the damn card.  If I stole a Costco card, my first purchase wouldn't be computer paper and a few boxes of cashews.  

While driving home is when things got really intense, as they tend to when anything out of the ordinary extends my travel time.  I already have a really long commute.  The average time it takes me to get home is around an hour and fifteen minutes.  I've come to terms with this.  I hate it, but I expect it.  No need to fuss over it.  So today seemed to be no different.  Until I got to the city where my usual route was blocked without a sign until it was too late, causing me to have to back track and adding an additional thirty minutes to my drive.  Truth?  This is not a huge deal.  What was I really gonna do with that thirty minutes anyway?  Go running?  ha.  haha.  That's funny.  But inside of my car I was a raving lunatic, screaming and cursing out every single vehicle in my path just for their sheer existence.  How DARE they be commuting at the same time as me!?  How DARE all of this construction be improving my city?!  How DARE they have a street festival for all the city to enjoy and be setting up today, blocking the street I take home??!!!  

Then I get home and find that I have my first "dislike" on a YouTube video since I started making them in January.  This did not bring about a sense of anger actually.  This one was defeat.  Albeit there are 58 "likes" on my page total.  And now one "dislike".  Obviously, it's bound to happen.  I'm not that good.  But this one happened on the video I think I like the most.  My cover of Umbrella!  All I'm doing now is trying to picture the person that didn't like it enough to press the button.  I've never "disliked" a YouTube video. Even ones that suck.  I wanna be like, what can I do to be better??  Tell me!  Why don't you like me????   

So every time I'm feeling all of this anger at civilization or sadness or despair (that one usually over stupid love or lack there of), the universe has this uncanny way of making some nice, good on paper guy whose heart I tore to shreds after a few dates start up a conversation with me.  Why do these kind souls still like me after I showed them so little kindness in return?  Why do these people still want to be a part of my life?  Is it true that the ruder you are to people the more they want you to like them?  Maybe that's where I'm going wrong.  Every time I actually like a guy, I get all nice and sweet and gooey.  I want to be like "Here are cupcakes with hearts on them!!!  Let's hold hands!!!"  (don't worry... I'd never actually do that) but maybe they can sense that I'm being all nice and find it gross, the way I find really nice people kind of gross sometimes. 

Anyway, when I'm in these moods, these nice people make me super duper angry.  Like irritated to the fourth power, causing me to be extra mean.  

I'm not really a mean person.  Most of the time?  

Today I ate Costco samples, a Starbucks turkey sandwich, two mini banana split cupcakes and now am off to get a delicious salad with a girlfriend where I can vent my not real problems.  

I have nothing interesting to say or post about right now; however, I felt the need to share the cutest picture ever taken in the universe.  Below you will find my parents' dogs, Ethel and Fred (yes, like the Mertzes of I Love Lucy.... Lucy is not pictured).  Fred is a baby and they are both French Bulldogs and I'm sorry, but they are the cutest dogs in the world.  This is how they slept in the car the other day.  <3.

In other news, yesterday I was a waste of human flesh.  I worked like a normal person and made a grocery list comprised mostly of things to make various dishes I have liked or pinned on pinterest and never tried.  Because I am too lazy to actually go shopping though, I selected a chicken recipe that I had all of the ingredients for; or so I thought.

When I got home, turns out the piece of chicken I had left already went bad (it smelled beautiful when I opened that Ziploc, let me tell you).  So I made some tomato soup and leftover greasy thai food and proceeded to watch America's Got Talent and Law and Order SVU rather than do anything of any sort of productivity.  Do I get any points for doing the dishes?  No?  Damn.

Anyway, off for a lunch break with my mom and sister.  I just felt the cuteness of this picture should be posted on the internet in my own little corner of the world.

A Birthday and A Lazy Sunday

Saturday night was my dear Swoowski's birthday so I spent a good amount of the day making cupcakes.  I decided on Banana Split flavor and while they came out delicious, the whipped cream frosting on top melted before I even made it to the party.  They consisted of banana cake, strawberry frosting, whipped cream frosting, chocolate ganache, sprinkles, and a cherry on top. I enjoyed making them and they went over pretty well.  The problem is that I have a bunch of leftovers laying around here just tempting me now.

Today I really didn't do much.  Four of us girls went to brunch still wearing fake eyelashes (something I always pull out when out with this group because they always do... it's amazing how fun they can be every now and then),  and last night's make up.  I spent most of the day hungover though so ordering unhealthy thai food was a logical response for dinner.  It certainly wasn't a healthy day but tomorrow is a new start to be productive.

Banana Split Cupcake Recipe: (This is all my own variation on a recipe I found at Annie's Eats)

Ingredients for the cake:

2½ cups all-purpose flour
1 tbsp. baking powder
½ tsp. salt
12 tbsp. unsalted butter, at room temperature
2½ cups sugar
6 eggs
1 cup plus 2 tbsp. buttermilk
1 1/2 cups mashed ripe banana


Ingredients for the Strawberry Ice Cream Frosting: 


Half cup pureed frozen strawberries 
About two cups of confectioner's sugar (alter this depending on desired consistency 
1/4 cup heavy cream 
1/2 cup butter, softened 


Ingredients for the whipped cream frosting: 
1½ cups heavy cream, chilled
1/3 cup confectioners’ sugar, sifted
½ tsp. vanilla extract


Ingredients for the ganache:
8 oz. bittersweet chocolate, chopped
1 cup heavy cream
1 tbsp. light corn syrup


For garnish:
Multi-colored sprinkles
Maraschino cherries




Directions:
To make the cupcakes, preheat the oven to 350° F.  Line cupcake pans with paper liners. (I chose to make mini cupcakes) In a medium bowl combine the flour, baking powder and salt; whisk together and set aside.  In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment cream together the butter and sugar on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes.  Reduce the mixer speed to medium low and add in eggs one at a time, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.  Mix in 1 the mashed banana until well combined.  With the mixer on low speed alternately add the dry ingredients and buttermilk, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients and mixing only until just incorporated.


Divide the batter between the prepared cupcake liners, filling each about 2/3 to ¾ full.  Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 15-17 minutes (20-22 if making regular sized cupcakes).  Allow to cool in the pan 5-10 minutes, then transfer the cupcakes to a wire rack to cool completely.


For the strawberry ice cream frosting, combine the softened butter, heavy cream, and confectioner's sugar.  Make sure butter is soft and smooth or it will become chunky when you add the cold strawberry puree.  Add puree and continue mixing until you achieve desired consistency.  Add a layer to each cupcake using a wide tipped nozzle on a pastry bag. 


For the whipped cream frosting, add the heavy cream to the chilled bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a whisk attachment.  Whip on medium-high speed until soft peaks form.  Add the powdered sugar and continue to whip until thoroughly combined and stiff peaks form.  Be careful not to over-beat!  Blend in the vanilla extract.  Frost cupcakes using a designed tip for a real whipped cream effect.  Chill in refrigerator for at least 30 minutes.  


For the ganache, place the chopped chocolate in a heatproof bowl.  Bring the cream to a simmer over medium-high heat.  Remove from the heat and pour the hot cream over the chocolate; let stand 1-2 minutes.  Whisk together until a thick, smooth ganache forms.  Blend in the corn syrup.  Let stand at room temperature at least 10 minutes so the ganache is not hot.


To finish the cupcakes, pour a spoonful of the ganache over the whipped cream topping of each cupcake.  Garnish with sprinkles and maraschino cherries before the glaze sets.  Chill the assembled cupcakes until ready to serve.


If you do not want to worry about keeping the cupcakes chilled so much (the whipped cream frosting melts quickly), you can replace that layer with regular vanilla buttercream frosting.  

New cover - Rihanna's "Umbrella"

Some blogs may have really specific focuses.   I guess the good ones do.  And I guess the original focus of this blog was to help me lose weight.  What a cliche.  Anyway, at this point I think the purpose of this blog is just to have one more outlet in my life.

I'm a person who over thinks.  Not necessarily over thinks situations, but just who truly thinks too much.  Part of this creative renaissance as I like to call it means that I feel ready to explode all of the time with ideas, arguments, music, lyrics, anything.  I didn't always know where to go or what to do with all of it.  Now I have a lot of healthy outlets.  There is of course cooking and baking, singing, playing the piano, reading, teaching myself the guitar, and writing in general.  I currently have open five "songs" and one novel on my computer desktop as well as Garageband, where I recorded my latest youtube video.  I have used all of these things today.  The "songs" are in quotations because although they have some sense of melody in places, they don't have music or real structure per se.  I just write whatever comes to mind on the nearest outlet.  It might be a napkin, it might be the bottom of another document or a receipt.  If the computer is open, it's the closet word document.  Sometimes I go back and piece them together with the idea that one day, they will be whole songs.

The truth is, I need to be multitasking all of the time or I feel like I'll go crazy.  For example in the car.  Yesterday, I spent 3 hours driving because morons see some rain and forget how to move their vehicle.  This is awesome when I feel like singing or have something good to think about.  But when I have something negative on the mind, like some idiot jerkface who I want to punch in the stomach, and no escape; just me and the bumper to bumper traffic, well, I'm a basket case.  I need paper or something nearby all the time.

Anyway, I made a great salad for lunch today consisting of pearl barley, curry, cardamom, mustard seeds, coriander, lemon, onion, red pepper, chicken and arugula.  It was quite delicious and I have lots of leftovers.  Recipe is from Bon Apetit magazine and can be found here Curried Spelt Salad (I couldn't find spelt so I used pearl barley and it worked deliciously.  I also substituted red bell pepper for carrots because I think carrots are gross).

In the interest of staying true to this blog, today I ate:

10 am - Oatmeal with a bit of brown sugar, salt and cinnamon; Coffee with cream

3:30 pm - The aforementioned salad

8:30 pm - Leftover slow cooker chicken and salsa in a low carb tortilla with avocado and a side of asparagus and a yukon gold potato (with spray butter and greek yogurt).

Throughout the day,  a lot of Fresca... my drink of choice as I try to drink less Diet Coke.

Here is my work of the day - A cover of Rihanna's "Umbrella".  Enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRNfSB8g0Ho

A Personal Renaissance

Whilst avoiding work at my summer job today, I managed to come across this amazing blog that I have neglected for over a year.  To be honest, I completely forgot it existed.  I've got to say that after reading over all of the posts from last winter, it was like watching a human being falling apart.  I know I tried to keep everything censored and all so as not to lose what was truly the worst job in the world,  but I feel so much better about my life just having realized yet again how much it sucked last year.

In case anyone is actually reading this or was wondering what happened to me that I stopped writing - here's a quick overview.  February and March dragged on and continued to be some of the most depressing months of my life.  Every day at my inner city teaching job, I felt my creative energy further and further drained out of me in some attempt to please a bunch of people I had absolutely no shred of respect for regarding how they ran a school.  Everything I had ever learned or cared about was thrown away in attempts to track my every move and fit a structure that treated students like color by number pawns rather than individuals with innovative minds.  It's a wonder I didn't denounce teaching altogether.

Somewhere around April, I realized that I was ruining one of what surely will go down as one of the best experiences of my life by not truly learning from my students all that I could be.  Screw the myopic administration and their definition of a school that treated one book that some guy who taught in the inner city for two years wrote as a bible.  I decided to start teaching my way and realized again why I wanted to teach in the inner city in the first place.  I wanted to reach students who didn't have a lot of people trying to reach them.  I embraced the fact that my coworkers were the most unbelievably dedicated, talented and passionate people I had ever met and I lamented the way they were all treated by our heinous excuse for a principal.  I pushed my students creatively and bs'd my lesson plans regarding how it fit into the respective structures and common core standards that were so callously written to be tested on a bubble exam which leaves no room for true vision or thought.  

On the same day that I was voted Teacher of the Year by the entire student body of my school (as a first year teacher mind you), I was told that I "did not seem to share the vision of the school" enough to be recontracted for the following year.  By this time, I had already been interviewing at other schools everywhere and had started to feel that if I had to spend one more year in that hell hole, I'd probably die anyway.  Was I terrified of how I was going to manage my mortgage payment?  Absolutely.  But it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I gained a wealth of experience, learned what I am capable of accomplishing as well as withstanding, and will never take a decent job for granted ever again knowing what it is like to wake up feeling like I wanted to vomit every day just for having to go to work.

Enter Disneyland.  That's what my current coteacher calls the school where I work now.  I went back to my roots, accepting a maternity leave position at a large suburban school near where my parents live.  I am treated with respect, I love my students, I learn so much from my coworkers and my boss knows how be encouraging while still maintaining a strict sense of professionalism.  While I still do not have a full time job, I will be there throughout the entire next semester and maybe one day, the school will hire an English teacher, and maybe one day... that teacher will be me.  In any case, I am making pretty much the same amount of money in addition to working as an administrative assistant for an IT outsourcing firm.

The best part of both of my jobs is that while they are challenging and require me to be on top of my game creatively and cooperatively, I go home with the mental energy that was drained from my life last year.  My hair grew back (I had lost almost half of it due to stress), I no longer have a tick in my eye, and I no longer spend my entire extra curricular life drinking or watching mindless television.

Some time last summer, I read through all of my college papers and felt a sense of yearning for the academic I once had been.  This, combined with an excessive appreciation for Eminem's Recovery album, caused a renaissance in my creativity.  I started writing again - songs, my novel... started a new novel as well, articles, whatever.  I started singing more.  This carried throughout the year.  I got a piano off Craigslist for Christmas and taught myself how to sing and play at the same time.  I now post videos to YouTube.

I won a $500 karaoke contest last week.  I'm trying to eat healthy, but am not replacing the batteries in my scale.  I love my family and friends who stuck with me when I was undoubtedly a wretched person to be around.  It is now my goal to finish one of the novels, write a few full songs, and just never let go of all of my positive inner energy.  I can't believe I let a stupid job get so in the way of who I am as a person.  Maybe this blog will have a different flair to it now.

This is a link to my youtube account, one example of the ways I've expanded personally in the last year

YouTube Account of my Cover Songs .