Barack (Eminem "Stan" Spoof)

OK, OK, I have been a terrible blogger.  Not that I ever was a good blogger.  I just like attention for making delicious food.  Don't fear fans, I have plenty of recipes to put on here when I stop being lazy.  But I did do something that just must be shared right now.  

My friend Rafal wrote this brilliant "letter" to Obama as a parody to Eminem's song/video "Stan".  I told him it was genius and that we needed to make a real video.  So I came up with a refrain, we updated the rap (well, he did), and his very talented brother filmed it.  So here are the lyrics and the video. 

Happy voting! 


Tea Party's cold, I'm wondering why I 
Bother to vote at all 
November 6 is leering closer 
And I can't see at all 
And even if I could it would all be blue
Watch debates and read the news 
It reminds me that no matter who, 
The nation's screwed 

Dear Barack,

I wrote you but you still aren't callin'

I left my cell, my Facebook

And a G8 picture at the bottom

I sent my letters back in autumn

You must not have got 'em

There probably was a problem with the White House firewall or something

Sometimes my emails get passed thru Secret Service after I jot 'em

But anyways - forget it

What's been up, how's the Attorney General?

My interest is in law too


I'm about to be a lawyer


When I get my law degree, guess I’m going to be called?


MC J.D.

I read about your birth certificate drama too, I'm sorry

I had a friend whose ID got him booted from a bar


That didn't want him

I know you probably hear this everyday


But I'm your biggest advocate

I even got a copy of the bill you passed in the Senate

I got a room full of Hope! campaign posters

I like the commercial you did with Biden too

Your ads were informative!

Anyways, I hope you get this Prez

Hit me back, just to chat

Truly yours, gimme a call

This is Rafal

Dear Michelle,

Obama still hasn't called 

I hope he gets the chance, 

I’m not a mad voter

I just think it's messed up you're the one answering donors

If he didn't want to meet up with me in Chicago,

He didn't have to, but he could’ve signed a veto on a tax or two 


Help the middle class Michelle, or we’ll occupy streets


We’ve been paying off student loans for years now,

And O just says, “No relief”


That's pretty crummy, man – he’s like the leader of the free world


He could give us a hand out, to alleviate a grand or two


I’m not that mad though,

I'm just trying to pay off my school

Remember when we won four years ago

He said “Yes we can!,” I said the same right back


See I'm just like Obama in a way


I'm an overacheiver

We both like the Bulls and DVR Cheaters

I can relate to what he’s saying when he's speaking on TV

So when I have a tough day


I put it on and he speaks to me

Cause I don't really have another candidate


I still dream about '08 and 

I put a bumper sticker with his name all over my license plate


Sometimes I even check to see how much he's in the lead

It's like adrenaline


The polls are such a sudden rush for me

See everything Obama says is real


And I respect him because he tells it


My girlfriend's jealous


'Cause my Barack talk is overzealous 

But she doesn't know his policies like I know his policies Michelle,

No one does


She doesn't know what it’s like


To solve foreign discontent 
with bayonets

Obama's gotta call, Michelle

I represent a big voting contingency you don’t want to lose

Sincerely yours, Ra

P.S. You're pretty cool too 

Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Busy-Presiding-To-Write-Constituents: 

This'll be the last email I ever send the Democrats,


It's bee six letters back from Biden!

I don't deserve this!


I know you got my last two donations;


They hit my credit card perfect

So this is my email I'm sending you, I hope you read it


I'm on lunch right now, I’m typing 90 words per minute!

Hey O, I ate Chik-fil-a, dare me to vote for Mitt?

You know the song by Black Eye Peas, it's their number one hit

about how imma be having a good night boom boom powing 


pumping my humps, when’s everyone gonna realize all their songs sound the same?


That's kinda how this is, you coulda been my Will. I. Am

Now it's too late - I'm like the other guy in the Peas, I'm lousy


And all I wanted was a tax break or a governor recall


I hope you know I took down ALL of your stickers off my cubicle wall


I voted you in Obama, we coulda balled together, think about it


You ruined it now, I hope you can't make a lay up and you freeze about it

And when you freeze on D, I hope Fox News screams about it!

I hope you LOSE and Morgan Freeman does... Bruce Almighty 3

See Prez; [*screaming*] Shut up Jim! I'm tryin to talk!


Hey B, that's Rom-DMC screamin at Jim in the back


But I didn't watch the debate, I Facebooked it

See, I ain't like you

because if I had women in binders, I’d be a happy Mormon too

Well, gotta go, I'm almost done filling my ballot out


Oh damn, I forgot, nothing will change even if I fill this out

Dear Rawful,

I meant to write you sooner but I just been golfin’

Teaching Tiger how to keep his women around, I'm awesome

Look, I'm flattered you believe my re-election's gonna happen


Want an autograph for your brother?

What about Air Force One napkinas?

I'm sorry I didn't see you at the rally,

I must’ve missed you


Don't think I did that intentionally just to diss you


But yea, what's this stuff about rape being a method of conception?


Ryan says that stuff like he’s clownin,

How f’d up is that perception?


That’s like Paul saying he’s Ryan Gosling 


Just because they share names, have notebooks, and use gasoline,

And what's with Mitt buying dress shirts at Costco?


That made Michelle hafta show up at the local Jewel Osco


I really think the Reps and the Dems  and the indies need each other


Maybe we just need to work together better


I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time


before you decide not to vote, I think that we'll be doin just fine


if everyone relaxes a little, I'm glad I inspire you but

Man, 
why is everyone so mad?

Try to understand, we needed our kids in the Afghanistan


I just don't want you to do some crazy stuff

I seen this one piece on YouTube a couple weeks ago that made me barf

Some country was in debt and couldn’t stop borrowing enough

Three kids made a video documenting the giant flustercuck

then my WiFi went out, so I couldn’t get Isreal’s point of view

Come to think about, you know what…

We are all screwed… 
Darn!

Panko Crusted Tomatoes and a Weight Loss Plan

With the beginning of the school year, standing up in a wedding, and let's be honest, total laziness, I have not been posting.  But I'm back at it and busier than ever.

So the wedding I'm standing up in is a week from yesterday and the last time I tried the dress on (some time in August), well, I couldn't exactly zip it.  Obviously this was a huge problem.  So starting last week I went on a starvation crash diet and luckily, I was able to zip the dress, albeit not comfortably, yesterday.  So the starvation crash diet continues because I would prefer to not look like a Heifer in one of my best friends' weddings.  The nice thing is, I've not been the slightest bit hungry.  I've been eating plenty of healthy, low carb foods when I'm hungry and don't feel like I'm suffering at all.

Hopefully I will keep it up longer than just this week and actually look somewhat like the person I used to be :)

One thing I am on a huge kick with is tomatoes.  I know that too many tomatoes is acidic and all that, but whatever.  Everything is bad for you in some way.  I'm rambling.

Here are the best tomatoes ever:

Panko Crusted Tomato Slices 

Panko Crusted Tomato Slices

Ingredients:
1 tomato, thickly sliced (or however many tomatoes you want)
1/4 cup panko
3 tbs olive oil
Basil to taste (I had some fresh basil on hand, but dried would work, too.  Or Oregano)
Salt and Pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375.  Marinate the tomato slices in olive oil on each side for about ten minutes.  Coat with panko on both sides.  Top with basil, salt, and pepper.   Set on a baking sheet and cook for 20 minutes.  Switch to the broiler on low and broil for 5 minutes longer.


Greek Yogurt Teriyaki Steak Sauce

This was a thrown together thing I did for my kabobs and it actually worked and was healthy.  Easy and good.

Ingredients:

1/3 cup 0% Greek Yogurt
2 tsp low sodium soy sauce
1 tsp Worcester sauce
Dash nutmeg (yeah, weird, but it needed sweetness)
Dash all spice

It's weird, but it worked.  Mix is all up.  Dip kabob pieces in it!

The end.

And for your viewing and listening pleasure, here is a video of me singing and playing my acoustic rendition of "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks.

Last Cake Class :(

So Cece and my last cake decorating class was this Tuesday, which is very sad.  We were getting used to being there and hanging out with the other people in the class.  We want to take level 3, which is gum paste and fondant (skipping level two), but they said they aren't sure when they will be starting that class because they don't have a teacher for it.  Unfortunate.  Anyway, now I know how to make roses, so I wanted to share my final cake on this gloriously pointless blog.

Yes, the cake says "Mediocre Wednesday" as this cake was left in my office yesterday and let's be honest, what is the point of wishing your coworkers a happy Wednesday?  It's Wednesday.  It's not going to be that exciting.

I ended up going out with some friends to celebrate various accomplishments.  Promotion, live interview for Jeopardy, first review of my book....

Yep!  My dear friend Rachael was the first person to take the time to read and give feedback on my book and it was so insightful and interesting!  I got to hear someone talk about my characters as actual characters, not just people in my head based sort of on real people in my life.  Some of her advice was awesome and I definitely plan to start incorporating it into the book once I get a few more good conversations out of the pre-readers of it.  It is so nice to have friends willing to help you out by reading and giving feedback on your book, and while it is totally terrifying for my to share anything I write with anyone (which is why I do it so infrequently), it feels awesome to actually get solid feedback and feel like something doesn't totally suck.  I mean who knows.  Maybe Rachael is just an awesome liar and the book is actually the worst thing she has ever read in her life.  But either way, I felt really good about our discussion of it and am looking forward to rewriting.

Anyway, here's my sweet cake as promised:

Mediocre Wednesday Cake

Something Sweet, Something Cheesy, and Something Lonely

First let's do the something sweet.  Twas my very good friend Donnie's golden birthday this weekend and as I met him whilst working at Starbucks and he has furthered his career with the coffee giant, I felt some sort of Starbucks-themed cupcakes would be relevant and fun.  I'd seen some variation on Pinterest and decided to make Caramel Frappucino Cupcakes. 


Yes this may require some theft of Starbucks Venti straws.  (Your straws went to a good cause, *$ :) ) .


So these are pretty involved and took some time because of the filling, but the filling is delicious so I don't recommend leaving it out.  Also, I made monstrous sized cupcakes.  Don't over fill the tins if you don't want them to look like they are on steroids.  


Caramel Frappucino Cupcakes 

Adorable and Delicious - May be my favorites yet!

For the Cupcakes: (Cupcakes and filling based on Kim's Kitchen)

• 3/4 cup whole or low-fat milk
• 2 package of Starbucks Via Instant Coffee
• 1 tbsp vanilla
• 3 cups cake flour (I actually used all-purpose and it worked fine)
• 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons unsweetened natural cocoa powder
• 3/4 cup butter at room temperature
• 1 1/2 cup white sugar
• 4 eggs, yolks and whites separated
• 1/4 cup sour cream

Heat the milk in the microwave or on the stove until hot – stop short of a simmer. Stir in the instant coffee until well blended. Add the vanilla and set aside.

Sift together the cake flour, baking powder, soda, salt,  and cocoa.

In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the butter and sugar with the paddle attachment until creamed. It should be slightly fluffy. Beat in the egg yolks one at a time.

Add 2/3 of the flour mixture and the sour cream. Add the remaining flour mixture and milk. Beat until smooth.

Scrape all the batter out into a separate bowl and wash the mixer bowl thoroughly.

Switch to the whisk attachment and beat the egg whites until stiff but not dry. They will hold a stiff peak but they will still slip around a little in the bowl.
Fold the egg whites into the cake batter gently, folding the batter around until well combined.

Fill cupcake liners with batter and bake at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes (they baked up surprisingly fast).

Let cool. 

For the Coffee Mousse - (I actually recommend cutting this recipe in half because I had TONS leftover and now it's all sitting in my fridge to torment me at night.) 

• 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
• 6 large egg yolks
• 1/3 cup water
• 1 package of Starbucks Via Caramel flavored coffee  (I am an idiot.  I went to Starbucks just to get this - well and to steal a few venti straws - and saw Iced Coffee Via and thought that would be better since I would be more likely to actually use it.  I didn't pay attention and bought regular  - So to solve the problem, I used regular caramel (the kind you put on ice cream cause I had it already in my fridge) and it worked deliciously.  If you go this route so you don't have to buy two kinds of Via or instant coffee, just add a whole bunch of caramel.  Maybe like 1/3 cup).  
• 2 1/2 cups chilled whipping cream

Whisk sugar, yolks, water and Starbucks via in large metal bowl.  Set bowl over saucepan of simmering water (do not allow bowl to touch water); whisk until candy thermometer registers 160°F, about 8 minutes. (I do not have such a  thermometer. I pretty much just kept touching it until it was super hot) 

Remove bowl from over water. Using electric mixer, beat egg mixture until cool and thick, about 5 minutes.  

Beat cream in another large bowl until stiff peaks form.  Fold into egg mixture.  

Caramel Coffee Mousse Filling :)

Caramel Buttercream Frosting: (From Martha Stewart)

• 12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter
• 1 package (16 ounces) confectioners' sugar
• 1/2 cup heavy cream, plus more if needed
• 1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
• Pinch of salt

In a small saucepan, melt butter over medium-high heat until nut-brown in color, about 8 minutes. Remove pan from heat and pour butter into a bowl, leaving any burned sediment behind; let cool.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, add confectioners' sugar, vanilla, salt, and butter. With the mixer on low, slowly add cream; beat until smooth. If frosting seems too thick, stir another tablespoon cream into the mixture

  

Fill the cooled cupcakes by pouring mousse into a pastry bag fitted with a piping tip and squeeze until the mousse bubbles over a bit.  Frost with a large flower tip to look like Starbucks whipped cream and drizzle with caramel.  The site I used for the cupcakes has what looks to be a delicious recipe for caramel, however, I am cheap and lazy and had ice cream caramel in the fridge from a previous cupcake excursion.  Cut Starbucks venti straws into about 4 pieces each and stick out of the cupcakes.

I printed a bunch of Starbucks logos off and created little strips to wrap around the bottom of the cupcakes to complete the look. These were a huge hit at the party.


Next for the cheesy!!! 

Quinoa Mac and Cheese: 


Alright, this is another one snagged from Pinterest and as you may have read in my previous posts, I am on a huge quinoa kick.  I tried red quinoa for this which tastes about the same, but maybe isn't as pretty for this purpose so ignore that as far as the photos go and use whichever quinoa you prefer.  This probably wasn't that healthy because I used a hell of a lot of cheese.  Can you blame me?  Sometimes I like to convince myself that cheese isn't actually bad for you.

This is altered from: Around the Table

• 1 1/2 cups quinoa, rinsed and drained
• Veggies of your choice (optional) (I didn't have any on hand so I did without)
• good pinch of salt
• a few grinds of seasoning salt (Didn't have - Used chipotle seasoning)
• 2 large eggs
• 1 cup non-fat milk
• 1 1/2 cups grated Cheddar cheese, more for sprinkling (I always have a ton of cheese so I decided to use it.  I used about 1/2 cup graded Cheddar, 1/2 cup shredded Mexican, 1/4 fresh shredded gouda, and about 1/4 cup or so shredded Parmesan.  A totally different taste and it was delicious) 
• Panko bread crumbs for topping 

Cook quinoa to packaged instructions until fully cooked. (About 15 minutes) (I like to cook it in chicken broth)

Preheat oven to 350 F. Coat 13x9 inch dish( or 8 individual ramekins) with cooking spray.Whisk together eggs and milk in large bowl. Fold in quinoa mixture and cheese. Stir very well and let some of the cheese melt.  Transfer to prepared baking dish and if using Panko Crumbs or Bread add now and bake 30-35 mins, until bread crumbs are browned. 


I, as usual, enjoyed this with some Greek yogurt and Srihacha ( I can't spell that word even though I use it every day).


OK Last: The Lonely


Made a new cover song video.  Christina Perri's "The Lonely".  Enjoy.

Cake Decorating Classes

Well my summer has been quite the blur of fun times, which means less cooking, more eating out, less healthy.  This past weekend my mom and I went to Wisconsin for Festa Italiana followed by Country Thunder.  Italian opera one day, country crazy the next.  It was a great time filled with a lot of dancing, singing, and especially eating and now I'm having trouble getting back to reality.  Hmm... sounds exactly like my post 4th of July post.  I've had a busy July, what can I say?

Cece and I have been taking Cake Decorating classes at Michael's on Tuesday nights and it's been so much fun.  It's interesting what little techniques you don't even think of when you're decorating cakes and cupcakes on your own.  Plus it's obviously nice to have a weekly set date with a friend because everything is so busy in the summer.  We usually go to dinner afterward, last week to our favorite Indian place, Tandoor, which is located on Halsted.  Some of the best wait staff I've seen!  This week we tried Indie Burger on Belmont and I had a chickpea burger, which was good but nothing to write home about.


Here are some pictures of various designs and techniques I've learned so far in cake decorating (a class that only cost $22.50 because there was a tuition discount.  Then every week you have to buy a few things, but nothing crazy.  It's definitely a lot of fun).

Fish!  I like the seaweed and the scallops along the bottom. 

All sorts of flowers and grass and such

A Whole Bunch of New Recipes

There is a Tim Burton marathon on ABC Family right now and it's causing my mind to completely melt.  I keep trying to do productive things like clean and do laundry, but it's happening very slowly.  So I'll share a few recipes I made yesterday with you.

This first one is one of my childhood favorites that I used to have all the time when I stayed at my grandma's so it's dear to my heart.  I started making it again for myself after I moved out and thought it's worth sharing as a healthy and easy breakfast recipe.  I call it simply, Eggs in a Glass.

Eggs in a glass is quite simple.  They are in a glass because you need something to press the egg against as you mash it so a narrow glass works well.  You can add a variety of ingredients.  At my grandma's we only used salt and pepper and butter, but I've spiced it up a bit over the years.

Eggs in a Glass 


3 hard boiled eggs (or however many you want)
1 tbs butter
1 tbs shredded cheese (I used Mexican for this one)
Chipotle Tabasco to taste (regular is good, too)
Salt and Pepper to taste

I've added diced ham when I have it laying around, too.  It's delicious.  You could obviously mix anything you want.  All you do is peel the hard boiled eggs and put them in the bottom of the glass.

Make sure you didn't miss any pieces of shell.  Add the butter and let it melt a bit against the eggs while you add the remaining ingredients.

Keep pressing the eggs against the glass with a fork until it resembles something more like scrambled eggs.   Make sure all of the ingredients are mixed well.  You will seriously love this recipe if you like eggs.

Eggs in a Glass

The next thing is what I had along with my eggs yesterday morning.  Sometimes you get bored just having regular coffee every day (OK not really.  I've been doing it for years).  But anyway, I wanted to try to make a sort of Frappucino.  A healthy variety.  I saw something about freezing coffee and blending it on Pinterest.  This came out very good, but I would recommend freezing the coffee in smaller cubes rather than one big container.  It took a really long time for the blender to be able to work with the massive coffee cube I had.  

Just take frozen coffee of your choice (I happened to make coffee the other day but was out of cream so I just threw it in a container in the freezer and went to Starbucks) and blend it with cinnamon, as much cream as you'd like, and a bit of vanilla extract.  It was a refreshing coffee treat without all of the calories.  

Healthy Frozen Blended Coffee Beverage.

If you haven't noticed, I am a big fan of my cold beverage Starbucks cups.  I take them everywhere.  Especially the venti sized ones.  

OK last but not least, I was going to a BBQ, which obviously meant I should make cupcakes.  I love any excuse to make cupcakes.  I had seen a watermelon cake online and wanted to replicate it into cupcakes, but I had trouble finding all of the necessary ingredients and found myself doing a lot of improvising.  They turned out pretty good though.  

I tried using Ketchup cups that I bought at Michael's because you can make them on a cookie tray instead of little muffin tins, which I assumed would be a time saver,  but they were a lot more difficult to get the cupcakes out of.  

Watermelon Cupcakes

Watermelon Cupcakes: 

Ingredients: 

1 box white cake mix 

1 3 oz box watermelon flavored Jell-O (They did not have this at two different stores I went to, so I just used some strawberry an upped the watermelon puree) 

1 cup watermelon puree (the recipe called for half a cup puree and half a cup water but because I didn't have not have the right Jell-O flavor, I doubled the puree in place of water as it was very watery anyway) 

1/2 cup oil 

4 eggs 

1/2 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips (optional, but highly recommended.  They are cute and add a different element to the cupcakes) 

Red food coloring (optional ... the cake will already be pink, but this makes it darker) 

Frosting: 

1 package cream cheese

1/2 cup butter 

5 cups confectioner's sugar

2 tbs watermelon puree (I used a lot more than this which resulted in better watermelon flavor, but much thinner consistency) 

Red and green food coloring 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Place ketchup containers or cupcake liners in muffin tins (or ketchup containers on a baking sheet) 

In a large bowl, combine cake mix and Jell-O. Add oil; mix on medium speed. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well. Add watermelon puree and beat until blended. Add red food coloring a little at a time, until you reach desired color. Place chocolate chips and a teaspoon of flour in a ziploc bag; shake to coat. Fold the chocolate chips into the batter. Pour into mini cake cups and bake for about 25 minutes (or until a toothpick comes clean.  Keep checking back regularly).  Let cool completely before frosting.  

For the frosting, 

In a large bowl, beat cream cheese and butter together. Beat in watermelon puree. Gradually add sugar, beating until smooth. Color 1/3 of the frosting green, color the remaining 2/3 the same color as the cake. (I don't think I'd recommend putting green food coloring in this frosting as there is a lot of pink to it naturally and I think the result would be brown.  I made separate plain frosting and died it green for the edges.  It was also a firmer consistency which made it easier to shape them)  

Decorate first by coating each completely cooled cupcakes with the red watermelon flavored icing.  Using a star tip, ring each cupcake with the green frosting.   Finish by sprinkling the cupcakes with chocolate chip "seeds".    Definitely a hit!